And by “Things” I mean taking care of myself, taking care of other humans, taking care of furbabies, and the garden. And the assorted roles I’ve committed myself to – friend, designer, bookkeeper, landlord, volunteer. You may have noticed that I put myself first on that list – there is a reason for that. I can’t take care of anything else, if I don’t take care of myself first.
Part of that self-care is confronting that my depression was on the upswing, despite loads of self-talk, lots and lots of physical exercise (I am training for a 10K run), prescription medication, and so much love and support. I say “was” because I’m watching it with my full attention now. This time, the depression isn’t post-partum; it’s situational. The situation is in large part beyond my control, and not even really about me, so I’m not going to share a lot about it.
To clarify – even though it’s not about me, I’m still affected by it. Imagine driving down the road, and the guy coming towards you has an epic sneeze and swerves his car into yours. Now, the sneeze isn’t about you – but you’re still left dealing with the results, right? Right. That’s how this is, but no sneezes or cars are involved. I have set boundaries, I’ve communicated about the boundaries and the consequences if they aren’t respected. I’ve done everything else possible with the situation that I can think of.
Now I need to focus on mindfully caring for myself and the people and things in my world. The littles are thriving – they both got haircuts and are looking so sophisticated!** The man is good. And most exciting, spring is well underway! I am so happy to be out working in the yard. I admit to some concern that we appear to be a solid month ahead of where things usually are… gardening in Calgary means Never, Ever Plant Anything Until After May Long Weekend***. I can see the point where I’m at Costco, sucuumb to temptation, fill the cart with tender annuals, come home and plant all the things. Then I’d watch it snow two days later.
It will snow. I know it will. I have seen snow in every month of the year, here in Calgary. It doesn’t stay long, in the summer months, but that “chubby rain” can happen at any time. Tell me it’s too soon to go get dill and marigolds and set them out. I’ll content myself by weeding around the perennials and researching rhubarb recipes.
Can you believe the size of my rhubarb? That is more than two feet tall. I’ve got to go pick some and make something. Every year, I feel like the rhubarb and I are in competition. I’m trying to pick and use enough to keep it from going to seed, and it’s trying to grow fast enough to bury me under rhubarb muffins.
And a last photo to close with; this are the new leaves on our trees out front. They will be green soon; but that first tender gold of spring gives me hope.
*Well, I’m taking it easy on running for the week because I think I overextended or strained a hamstring.
**Okay, well, the new haircuts look terrific when their hair is brushed. And when it isn’t brushed, they are still cute as anything.
***Exception: Sweet peas. They are amazingly cold-resistant. Pop the seeds in the dirt as soon as you can work it.