This is the blog post I haven’t wanted to write. Spoiler alert – sad news ahead; don’t read this, expecting a miraculous recovery.
My goofy, sweet, funny buddy is gone.
I’d taken Suki and Mr. Kittenbritches to the vet for an annual & newcat checkup. They were both healthy and fine – well, Suki hissed at the vet, but par for the course. They each gobbled up their soft cat food reward when we got home.
The next day was a busy day; and after supper when Suki and I usually have some quality couch time, I had to go find him. He was hiding in the basement.
“Oh dear…” I thought.
Saturday morning, I woke up and checked on him. He was still hiding and unhappy. So I got him a last-minute appointment with the vet.
She confirmed that he was indeed very sick, and she thought she could feel mass in his abdomen. So Suki and I drove down to the vet hospital.
We still don’t know what happened to him – it wasn’t liver or kidney failure (had bloodwork done). It wasn’t any kind of abdominal obstruction (they did xrays and an ultrasound too). He wasn’t responding to the drugs they’d put him on, and on Tuesday, when the vet called and told me that they’d discovered one of his lungs was obstructed by fluid from pneumonia, I broke down weeping at the second hand store (where I was shopping for Halloween stuff). I wasn’t willing to entertain intubating him, or scanning his brain for lesions, or more than another semester’s worth of tuition in vet fees. The man and I have had frank conversations about DNR orders for each other; but it seemed so much harder to think about and arrange euthanasia for my buddy.
They put Suki on oxygen and kept him comfortable for the rest of the day, and after all of the day’s other commitments were met or arranged around (kids, school, dance class, etc), I drove down to the hospital again to be with him as he left. The man had left for a work trip Saturday morning, and I’m glad that mom was around to help and lean on.
I was (and am) surprised by how much I miss Suki, and how much it makes me cry. He was my companion for thirteen years , and was with me through a lot of tough times. I think some of my sadness is from reflecting on the nature of life – we spend so much time, trying not to be alone, and then ultimately? We will either leave first, or be left. I’m sure there are all sorts of deep poetic quotes I could use here, but really, all I can say is that is as long as Suki was in my life, he was well loved.
And that’s what I’m trying to do – is to love everyone in my life as well as I can, as long as I can.
Good bye, buddy.